no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're like the curious george of whores
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize