So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
