just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
