If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
