You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
