i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize