He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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