did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
