How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
