Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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