i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
