i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
