I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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