Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
