There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
