She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
