He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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