I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
