Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
