How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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