I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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