the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
