I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
