My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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