Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
