Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
