i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
