I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
