what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
