I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ketchup is God's man juice
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
