Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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