He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
