i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
