Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
