why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
