I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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