the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize