Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
