White coat. Heels.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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