If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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