if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
