So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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