Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
