I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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