I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize