Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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