Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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