i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
