I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize