i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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