You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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