Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize