wakey wakey hands off snakey
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
