When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize