We won't sleep together?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
