I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
