A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
