picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
