My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize