Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
