6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
