yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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