I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
