dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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