She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
