If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
