Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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