I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
