Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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