Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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