That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
