I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
