i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize