i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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