remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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