return my video game
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
