that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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