His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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