Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
