Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
