we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
