if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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