you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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