maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
