I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
