you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
