Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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