I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
