My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
