Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
third nipple confirmed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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