Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize