haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
